Friday, March 30, 2012

I think I'm going to add Rainbow Hunter to my resume.

If you've read my previous blogs, you know I am currently employed as an Insanity Wrangler in Lawyer Jim's office. Boring people would refer to it as an Office Manager. Lately, even with the self-appointed title, I've had, shall we say, a wee bit of job dissatisfaction. It's actually been building for a long time. Mostly a "This is not what I had envisioned for my life," kind of thing.

So, I often dream about the day I escape, and go out into the world and really do what I want to do. Which is? Like many people, I still can't quite put into words what I want to do when I grow up. Actually, I can, but I haven't figured out how to make enough money doing it to pay my bills.

What I really want to do is just help. Not with any particular cause on any particular day. I just want to have supersonic hearing (or the internet will probably do) where when I hear of someone that needs a little help, I just go and help them. I would be THE HELPER. Or, I want to find a home for every child in the world. Either one works for me, and maybe they're really the same thing.

Either way, I figure I'm going to need to spruce up my resume to get people to take me seriously. I figure that there will be quite a few that will be pretty impressed with the fact that I've been an Insanity Wrangler for the past eight years or so.

After all, someone having a horrible, insane day or week would naturally think, "I just really need to hire someone temporarily to help me corral the crazy in my life right now." So, then I'll show up at their door 10 seconds later (I have supersonic speed too, but I do need to allow for traffic.) and say: "I can help you wrangle the insanity in your life. Here's my resume. As you can see I have years of previous experience." Most people will naturally, and with great relief, say, "You're hired."

I anticipate a few will be distrusting though. So, I need something on my resume to really wow them. Then I realized there's one qualification that would convince anyone that I'm the real deal. RAINBOW HUNTER! Kind of like tornado chasers, but much safer, because I'm going out AFTER the storm.

So, anyway I can go out and capture cool rainbows, double rainbows, monochrome rainbows, moonbows, etc on film. (I would list all the types of rainbows, but I was starting to feel a little Gumpish. Instead, everyone go read the Wikipedia article about them right now and get you brain fiber for the day.)

Anyway, the point is rainbows are a sign of hope for people all over the world. (Well, except the Amazon & Peru. Apparently, rainbows cause disease & miscarriage there. I'll have marketing re-work my resume for that part of the world.) Regardless of whether it's based on spirituality, desire for monetary gain, or just pure science, people always seem to get a little bit happier and nothing looks quite as bad, crazy, or impossible after you've seen some rainbows.

So, I'm thinking for the doubters, I'll say:  "Look, I have tons of experience mitigating insanity, so I'm sure I can help you. However, you seem to need a bit more to give you the confidence that if we get you going in the right direction, things will eventually turn out okay. You need hope. So, here's a rainbow I caught the other day. You can have it for free. No obligation." Of course, after someone looks at their rainbow, how can they NOT believe I can help them? More importantly, I think they'll believe they can help themselves.

So, when I make a new resume, I'm definitely adding RAINBOW HUNTER to the top of my qualifications. Maybe, I'll just start being THE HELPER now. Part-time. Anybody, in the market for a part-time insanity wrangler/rainbow hunter? Just give a shout out, and I'll be right there with my resume & references.

Just need a rainbow to brighten your day? How about two? See below. I captured this double rainbow from our local Walmart parking lot last weekend. Rainbows totally work by the way. Jim and I were both dreading the Saturday afternoon grocery shopping for the week at Walmart thing. After seeing the double rainbows, we got in and out in record time, under budget, and without any panic attacks. If that doesn't convince you of the power of rainbows, then you're probably from the Amazon or Peru and should close your mouth before looking at the picture below.

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