Tuesday, April 17, 2012

TSA's refusal to full body scan me, or otherwise feel me up, is starting to affect my self esteem.

So, this is my second time this year to fly out with Lawyer Jim, to undisclosed locations, to do some karaoke pirate hunting--don't ask. It's a nice change, since he's gone two to three weeks a month, to be able to travel with him sometimes. Even if it is a work trip, since this is as close to a vacation as we're going to get in probably the next three to twenty years. Woohoo!

This year is also my first time to fly since they instituted the full body scan--basically TSA justifying their massive compilation of nudie pics. OR, optional FULL body massage--apparently it's not as relaxing or pleasurable as it sounds though.

So, I naturally assumed they would want to add me to their collection. After all, I AM sexy & I know it. I work out (once or twice a month). AND, I have trouble sitting still for very long--wiggle, wiggle, wiggle...well you get the picture.

Instead, this is the third time I've gone through security, only to have some random TSA agent barely glance at me & tell me to go through the old style metal detector.  Meanwhile, it's Jim's 23rd time (I lose count) to go through security. I assume he has been flagged as stud material, because they insist on sending him through the porn scanner every time!

Last time, when he was returning home, Jim even had some male agent start sticking his hands down his pants (without asking), insisting he needed to search for contraband. Jim was--I guess understandably--SEVERELY annoyed! I thought he should have been pleased that they were throwing in the special massage for free. You know, get 12 body scans & get a bonus groping.

Eventually the guy gave up and let him go through. Jim immediately spoke to the manager on duty. Apparently, it was all just a big misunderstanding  about whether penises are still allowed to be carried on or have to be secured in your checked luggage.

Anyway, all of this begs the question...What's wrong with me?!?! Well...besides not having a penis? Three times now I've gone through security, and each time...No pics taken...No inappropriate groping...Not even a look that lasts just a little too long.

I don't get it! After all, I've always thought of myself as a strong, independent, sexy, and more than a little crazy woman. You would think one of those qualities would warrant "further inspection".

Apparently, it's all in my head though, since I can't get anyone in security to make up a bogus reason to justify adding me to their porn collection, much less make eye contact. Then again, maybe my Insanity Wrangler abilities are more powerful than I thought, and they dare not look at me for fear they suddenly come up with logical security measures? Yep, that must be it.

P.S. We're thinking of getting t-shirts made up for all our karaoke pirate hunters that says on the front: "OFFICIAL KARAOKE PIRATE HUNTER" & on the back: "WE'RE TAKING OUR BOOTY BACK!" Catchy right?

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